Big Surprise
When I was little, my Dad introduced myself and my sister to an old horror anthology series called Night Gallery, it was sort of like a creepier knockoff of The Twilight Zone. The disturbing nature of the stories, for a six-to-eight-year old at least, meant that a number of episodes have been seared into my memory in the years since. One such memorable episode was a bizarre tale entitled "big surprise", in which a bedraggled old farmer promises three boys the titular "big surprise" if they go to a pre-specified location and started digging.
As a child, I never saw the end of the episode, so it always irked me that I would never know what the protagonists of the story where supposed to have unearthed, but after a decade-and-a-half I am choosing to believe that the "surprise" was in fact the group stage of the 2023 Women's World Cup.
I've watched more football than I could possibly quantify over the years and with that comes a degree of immunity to being truly shocked by events on the pitch. When you've seen teams throw away 4-0 leads, goalkeepers score last minute winners and 5000-1 shots clinch league titles, it takes a lot for the absurd and confounding sport that is association football to leave you truly speechless, but that is how I felt when I witnessed the culmination of the drama that was the final round of games in Group H of the 2023 Women's World Cup.
A couple of hours earlier, the DFB-Frauenteam's safe passage into the knockout stages had seemed little more than a formality. Yes, defeat to Colombia in the previous game (which itself had been dubbed, for all of six days, the greatest women's world cup upset of all time) had meant that the beaten euros finalists fate had been taken out of their hands as far as topping the group was concerned, but qualification itself simply depended on beating a lacklustre South Korea side who's record of played two, lost two, conceded three, scored none; spoke for itself. Even if the improbable happened and Germany didn't fulfil their side of the bargain, Morocco, who the Germans had hit for six in their opener, would still need to get a result against the high-flying Colombians to seal the two-time world champions' fate.
Maybe that partly explains why Germany were so lacklustre in their attempts force the elusive winning goal needed to save them from the ultimate embarrassment of a first-ever (women's) World Cup group stage exit. Colombia were going to equalise anyway, don't sweat it. Recent history of the men's team notwithstanding, when the Germans come to major tournaments, they stay for the long haul, just ask their traveling supporters who had booked month long stays in Australia, mapping out their route to the Sydney final months in advance.
The clock ticks past the 80th minute and since an early onslaught in the second half in which the irresistible Alex Popp, determined to single-handedly drag her teammates out of the mire, has been denied a second goal after being on the wrong end of a tight offside, shortly before heading another effort onto the bar, the South Korean goal has been largely untroubled. The decision of English-born manager Colin Bell to bring on 6ft centre forward Park-Eun-Sun at centre half to add the much needed height to repel Germany's sole tactic – spamming crosses into the box like an overeager FIFA player – has gone down a treat.
Over in Perth, on the west coast, Morocco's lead, which they have held since the dying stages of the first half after Anissa Lahmari poked the ball home in a goalmouth scramble in the aftermath ensuing from Ghizlane Chebbak being denied from the penalty spot, remains intact despite Colombia's best efforts to get back into the game and make sure of top spot in the group. It was expected that the floodgates would open once Popp headed in the equaliser for Germany on the stroke of halftime, leaving them with a whole 45 minutes to find one more goal to save their blushes, but in keeping with the theme of this World Cup, the predictable did not come to pass.
Objectively – ie, if we go by the infallible FIFA world rankings - no sarcasm detected here -it's the biggest shock in World Cup history, men's or women's. Never before has a gap of 70 places (Morocco are ranked 72nd, Germany 2nd) been bridged by one team knocking another out. The closest example in the men's competition was 2018 hosts Russia (70th) knocking out Spain (8th) on penalties in the round of 16. In the Women's World Cup a shock of even half this scale was totally unprecedented, at least, it was until about a week ago.
Only once before has a team lost a group match (men's or women's) by a six goal margin and gone on to advance to the knockout phase (Nigeria lost 7-1 to the USA and went on to advance in 1999) but never before, in either competition, has a team qualified at the expense of a side that beat them by five or more goals.
Do you know how many times a team at the Women's World Cup had knocked out another team ranked twenty or more places above them in the world rankings prior to this World Cup? Twice, and both of the those were third placed qualifiers in the previous format.
In 2023 alone it's happened five times. Before Australia-New Zealand '23, a team knocking out another team above them by more than thirty places was unprecedented, at this world cup it's happened four times over.
Instances of one team knocking out another team ranked 20 or more places above them
Of course, there are upsets and there are upsets. Perhaps we shouldn't be too surprised that Nigeria, who have won nine of eleven women's AFCONs and have more Women's World Cup knockout stage appearances to their name than any other African nation, finished ahead of a sluggish Canada side who's status as Olympic gold-medallists masked the fact that they have been a team lacking invention in front of goal. Still, making the knockouts while your players and coaches are in a direct and bruising conflict with your own FA is no mean feat.
Likewise, this isn't Colombia's first rodeo. They became the first CONMEBOL nation other than Brazil to make the knockout stages of the Women's World Cup back in 2015, and have come closer than anyone to challenging the Seleção in the Copa America in best part of the last two decades, finishing as runners up in three of the last four editions and pushing Brazil all the way in last year's final.
Morocco may have been the second lowest ranked side ever play to at a Women's World Cup, but this was no fluke from the perspective of the Royal Moroccan Football Federation, who will consider an improbable qualification for the knockout stages the latest piece of vindication for a 14-year long investment strategy, which has seen the federation open a women's football academy in 2016 and host the last year's WAFCON, in which Morocco finished as runners up.
"I'm telling you, if no country has taken that into consideration and [is] acting upon getting those structures in, Morocco is going to be a powerhouse whether we like it or not," said South Africa's Thembi Kgatlana following her side's victory over Morocco in the Rabat final, perhaps in a plea towards the South African Football Association to do better when it comes to supporting their own team, an all too familiar story in women's football.
South Africa themselves only made their first Women's World Cup appearance in 2019, but have emerged as the entertainers of this year's competition and claimed their first points, win, and progression to the knockout stages in their sequel appearance. Having given the bronze medal holders Sweden an almighty scare in their opener, taking a second half lead before ultimately falling to a heart-breaking injury-time defeat, they managed to earn their first ever Women's World Cup point against Argentina, but were in no mood to celebrate having squandered a two goal lead with less than 20 minutes remaining to draw 2-2. The Bayana Bayana may have won hearts and minds going into their final, crunch game against Italy, but what they needed to win now was an actual football match.
Having relinquished leads in their opening two matches, they found their role reversed against Le Azzurre, after Arianna Caruso's penalty had put the Italians in front. As it turns out, playing thrilling football and winning games are not mutually exclusive. The electric Kgatlana, who spoke after the game of the tragic personal losses she has recently suffered, came up with the decisive moment of the game, slamming home a 92nd minute winner in a 3-2 win, surely the game of the tournament so far.
Jamaica are not the only team to achieve in spite of their negligent FA at this tournament, but the extent to which they are at odds with their own governing body is surely the most stark.
The history of struggle between playing staff and institution in Jamaican men's and women's football, from Cedalla Marely reforming the team in 2014, to GoFundMe campaigns and friendlies against Sheffield United, has been well documented by others but it is suffice to say that the reggae girls have been up against it. In such unfavourable circumstances, a squad containing players, from Hearts, Crystal Palace and London City Lionesses qualifying from a group containing France and Brazil, without conceding a single goal, is a truly astonishing achievement for a team that lost all three matches in their sole appearance at the competition prior to Au-Nz '23.
While the majority of the squads of the aforementioned nations will be unfamiliar to those primarily acquainted with the WSL and other leagues around Europe, all of these teams boast stars of their own.
Morocco are led by veteran forward Chebbak, who was last year's WAFCON's joint-top scorer and has spent her career playing domestically in the Moroccan Women's Championship.
Two-time Champions League winner Asisat Oshoala leads the line for Nigeria and Barcelona and is the poster-girl of African women's football. She is not the only Liga F-based player that has shone for the Super Falcons this summer, either. Sevilla's Toni Payne has been one of the standout players of the group stages, possessing the necessary composure on the ball to dribble out of tight spaces and progress the ball, as displayed in her role in the build-up to Nigeria's equalising goal against Australia.
South Africa meanwhile have been inspired by Kgatlana, who was instrumental in getting her side over the line in the decisive encounter with Italy, her direct and skilful dribbling bamboozling her Italian counterparts. She is the embodiment of a side that ranks second among the 32 sides at this year's World Cup for direct attacks (6), the Racing Louisville forward has created more chances from ball carries than any other player at the tournament.
While the Reggae Girlz' undisputed star is Manchester City's Kadija "Bunny" Shaw, who was narrowly pipped to the post by Rachel Daly in the race for last season's golden boot, she has endured a frustrating tournament on a personal level. Sent off in the opener against France for a second bookable offence, she missed through suspension the only game so far in which Jamaica were able to find the net, a crucial 1-0 win against Panama on match-week two of the group phase. She returned to the starting lineup for the historic, progression sealing, draw with Brazil, but looked to be lacking match sharpness, struggling to hold up the ball in a game in which her side managed to just 27% possession.
Instead, it was other WSL players that took the acclaim. Drew Spence called time on a 14-year, silverware-laden career at Chelsea last summer, making the move across London to join a more modest outfit in the form of Tottenham Hotspur. Spence, who declared international allegiance to Jamaica in 2021, having previously been capped twice by the Lionesses, has been a key player in the Jamaican midfield engine room, her tireless displays helping to ensure that gaps in front of an impenetrable defence remain plugged, while providing an outlet in rare spells of possession with her ability to carry the ball up the pitch.
She is not the only WSL veteran currently at Tottenham to have starred for the Reggae Girlz. Goalkeeper Becky Spencer, a victim of her club's 'keeper rotation policy this season that has seen her be part of a 50/50 minutes share with Finland goalkeeper Tinja-Riikka Korpela, has a claim for goalkeeper of the tournament so far. Yet to pick the ball out of her own net, her heroic performances ensured that her side were able to hold illustrious opponents France and Brazil to the stalemates that secured Jamaica's improbable progression.
When it comes to Colombia, the headline talent assessment is simple. They have perhaps the most exciting teenager in women's football right now in the shape of Linda Caicedo. The 18 year-old's story is astonishing. Diagnosed with ovarian cancer in 2020 at the age of 15, a year AFTER making her international debut, she was able to recover from illness, returning to football later that year following six months of chemotherapy. Her rise to prominence outside of Colombia came at last summer's Copa America, where she was named player of the match in the final defeat to Brazil. This summer, amid interest from Barcelona and Chelsea, she made a life-changing move to Real Madrid.
Touted by many in the media as a player to watch at this tournament, she made her mark immediately, finding the net in Colombia's opening win against South Korea. The finish may have been fortuitous, as Korea's Kim Jung-Mi spilled her long range effort in what should have been a routine save, but a direct, jinking run that had proceeded the shot was a sign of things to come from the prodigious young talent.
If that goal had a touch of the ridiculous to it, her instantly iconic effort against Germany was truly sublime. Controlling a bouncing, spinning ball in her stride under close attention from two German defenders, she baited them in by showing them plenty of the ball before quickly shifting it and her weight onto her weaker left foot, then, in an instant, back on to her stronger right, shimmying into a slither of space, which gave her the sight at goal she needed to lash the ball into the postage stamp angle between post and bar, German goalkeeper Merle Frohms may as well not have been there. If you haven't seen it yet, I implore you to watch the goal right now – it would be a desecration of fine art if it doesn't win goal of the tournament.
It is no coincidence that the World Cup of shocks has coincided with the expansion to 32 teams, at least Gianni Infantino got one World Cup format change right (the less said about the men's tournament, the better). Even beyond the headlines, teams that have packed their bags and boarded planes home have had their moment in the sun.
Zambia, spearheaded by the deadly duo of Barbra Banda and Rachel Kundananji beat Costa Rica to ensure they concluded their tournament debut with points on the board. Ireland may have left with only one point to their name, but the iconic image of Katie McCabe, arms spread out like Christ the Redeemer, celebrating the nation's first ever Women's World Cup goal, – scored directly from a corner – will endure for decades to come.
New Zealand went from David to Goliath in the space of five days, following up a memorable tournament opener against Norway by losing to the Philippines. Panama may have ended their campaign with a record of played three, lost three, conceded eleven, scored three, but the three in question, which included a stunning freekick from Marta Cox, all came against France, and were celebrated as though they had been scored in the final itself, and rightly so.
Women's football has sometimes been knocked for a perceived competitive imbalance, we all remember the fallout from the USA's 13-0 victory over Thailand in 2019, but now the sands are shifting and we are entering a new era for the women's game, and that era is the age of the underdog.